MANDALA # 12/1000
Her hands on my shaking shoulders.
Breathe. She said.
She stood right in front of me
but my vision was blurred.
My mouth was dry. My throat was closing.
BREATHE. She said again.
And so I tried
but my lungs refused it.
And so I tried to speak
but my tongue was too heavy.
And so I tried to stand tall
but my bones were weak.
It’s okay to be afraid. She said.
I am afraid.
Afraid I made a gamble of my life.
A choice I can’t take back.
Oh what if I fail?
IMPULSE. I made a life choice on an impulse.
Oh how they will laugh now.
Foolish girl. They will say.
How she threw it all away.
Everything she worked for.
The words felt sharp as they flew out of my mouth
I was spinning out and I couldn’t find the floor.
DOUBT. It colored my world gray.
Her hands pressed harder into my shoulders.
I could feel each finger dig into my skin.
COME BACK. She said.
Don’t you see? You are getting everything you have ever asked for.
It is time to be brave. She continued.
It is okay to be afraid.
It is not okay to let that stop you.
You are intended to do something much bigger.
You know it. I know it.
And soon the world will know it.
A tear fell down my face.
I silently begged her not to let go of me.
Her touch made me feel safe.
I nodded my head hoping she would continue.
Think of Will Smith. She smiled. She quoted,
“On the other side of your maximum fear, are all of the best things in life.”
It’s time Sara. No more safety net.
No more safety net.
Her confidence gave me confidence.
Her words stayed with me.
What would I have done if she weren’t there?
Truly I am lucky.
I went to sleep that night repeating what she said.
I awoke the next morning feeling taller.
As I put mascara on
I saw the future through my eyelashes.
RISE. Said my heart.
It is time.