MANDALA # 05/1000 

The Butterfly & The Wolf

Bare feet in the green grass.
The summer sun on my back.
A cigarette between your fingers.
A joint between mine.
You smiled at me as you reached for another beer.
I closed my eyes and felt you watching me.
For a moment I allowed myself to fall into your gaze.
You looked at me as if my skin was coated in flakes of gold.
Flickering with the sun.
I grew prettier in your affection.
I pretended to be what you saw.
Young and free.
My hair wild in the heat.
I smiled with the sun.
I exposed my skin.
I stared back at you.
And enjoyed the way I made you nervous.
I had you.
I leaned in closer and giggled quietly as I watched the anticipation take over your body.

“What is your spirit animal?”

You smiled in complete surprise by my question.

“I have no idea, you tell me.”

“A wolf. Because you’re cute and sweet. I want to cuddle with you and feel safe in your arms. But I am also afraid of you because there is something dark within you. An anger that might come out at any moment.”

Tears filled your eyes.
But only for a moment.
A piece of my broken heart went out to yours.
I listened as your voice came back clearer.

“Well if I am a wolf than you are a butterfly. You flutter around for everyone to watch. You allow people to be captivated by you. But don’t allow anyone to hold you in one place. You would rather have an audience than one admirer.”

I wanted to argue.
I wanted to tell you how wrong you were.
But I was at a loss for words.
So I reached for you.
When I promised I wouldn’t.
And in that moment
I felt my past in its entirety.
Every rejection.
Every heart break.
Every excitement.
Every crushing disappointment.
The emotional abuse.
The disrespect.
It was all too much.
And with that I proved you right.
When you reached back for me
I flew away.