MANDALA # 76/1000 

Forgiveness
8.1.19

The water is so still.
I can see my reflection.
Have you ever looked
into you own eyes?
I want to look away.
Out of habit.

Look at me.
I look again.
I feel like I’m staring at a stranger.
She looks so scared.
“Will you forgive me?
Please, please.
I beg of you.
Will you forgive me?”
Forgiveness.
It goes hand in hand with trust.

“Will you forgive me?”

But you have hurt me so many times.
So. Many. Times.
You always say you will change.
But you never do.

“Will you forgive me?
Will you love me?
Even when I make mistakes?
Because I will make many more.
And I will never be perfect the way you want me to be.
Can you find it in
your heart to love me?
You love everyone else with your whole heart. You never hold back with them. Why must you hold back with me?”

“Please, please.
Will you love me?”

I look away.
I feel her shudder again.
She shudders when I ignore her.
Recognition. I understand.
Now I understand.

I look back at her.

I have been ignoring you,
haven’t I?

“Yes.”

That is why you do all of this?
It is to get my attention?
Because I haven’t been listening.

“Yes.”

It makes sense.
It finally makes sense.
If you are the entire ocean.
You create the waves.
And you create the stillness.

It’s a choice.
It’s always a choice.
Why have I chosen against myself?

I want to forgive you.
I want to trust you.
I want to listen to you.
I want to love you.

I’m not sure I know how.
But I promise I will try.
I promise I will never stop trying.

SAS

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